7/2/16 growing up


3:14 AMAlaina

Umm.. well, I re-visited my last post of which I wrote in the whee hours on a Saturday morning, it came out quite...bitchy, seriously. Gosh, I've always been known as grumpy in the mornings but never thought I could be so negative and bitchy, I guess I am on a "new high" now?

Today's topic begins with I'VE HAD A FAIR SHARE OF...heartbreaks? Why am I talking about "heartbreaks" when in reality, I've never been in a relationship before? <------- This could be one of the most honest truths that I am putting out there, you got to remember this date - JUNE 28 2016- this  25 year-old woman who's writing this post have NEVER been in a relationship.

What happened, you may be wondering? What happened in my teen years....my early adult years?  Ohhh boy, I am just as curious to know as you are, if I could go back in time, I would have asked my younger self the same old question that I've been asking my growing up self for years.. and years.   And the answer? - life happens.

I often fantasize about the wonderful things that I could have experienced with someone had I been in a relationship. There is no doubt that there are things people tend to do more of when they are in a relationship - eating out more, watching more movies, adventuring to more places.. etc (like I would know..haha)

 I have always been a shy and quite introvert, and on top of that, I had a really bad self-image growing up. I felt alone, I felt like I was everything that everyone else was not. First, I was very insecure about my acne-exploded face, then it was my body. (I guess everyone goes through these stages of doubt and insecurity in life, but mine just happened to be on the more extreme end)  I've lived with acne for more than half of my life now, living with acne-prone skin doesn't get less time consuming, the pain doesn't get less severe, and the treatment only takes longer. However, I've learned to put a brighter perspective on this both external & internal struggle, I've learned to suppress the insecurity I get from not having a flawless face, I've accepted the fact that I am HUMAN after all.
The same goes with my struggle with body-image.  I am virtually FLAT- you don't need a Samsung virtual reality headset to see this, TRUUSt me. It's pretty obvious when I don't try to hide this insecurity of mine, of which I am doing less and less nowadays. You can say that I've learned to "turn an blind eye" on how people might judge me, think of me. The truth is, people judge anything - good or bad, even when you are showing the you that nature has created. So let them be, let yourself be-- free.

Insecurities did undoubtedly killed a lot of my confidence growing, which included the confidence I could have used to confess to my crush/es.  I might have missed out on that pure, innocent love of high schoolers. But growing up insecured allowed me to be stronger, because it took that much more courage to stand up for myself, for my beliefs and values. Being able to stand strong and still in solitude isn't easy, but I believe I got to learn more about myself than I otherwise would have when in a relationship. 

Whether you are in a relationship or not, you've got to learn how to take life easy, yet, meaningful and happy. :)  We are all in this together, you are never alone. 

Lastly, I want to leave this for you:  

                                               To be bloodily honest, 
                                                                                                this is the most naked I've ever been with                             my insecurities.
                                                                                Sharing vulnerability is a sign of strength, after all.

                                                        Best of luck - alaina  (next post will be on my Canada trip for real)

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